the wild woman never stops dancing

a many-petaled seduction
April 21, 2013
I pay attention to a single leaf
August 11, 2013

I am a wild woman. I never knew I was one, until life broke me apart, piece by piece, and underneath the outer layers, the disguise, there was fur and teeth and claws and relentless hunger. There was a cry, a howl, the need for open spaces to run in.

I am one of those people who is constantly shifting and changing, horizontally and sometimes vertically, because I am hungry for life in its most meaningful and powerful form. It’s not that I can’t stay still, it’s that I don’t believe staying still is a way of being. Life is a dance. We need to dance with it – always. The important thing is to learn to move with grace – to move and to be in flow with the music, the beauty of it all, and not to run, react, lash out, trip and fall over our own (two left) feet.

That is my lesson for this season of life – grace. Grace for myself and for others. Grace in the dance. In the body. In the mind. Grace in the lonely moments when there are no partners to waltz with you.

Who needs a waltz anyway? It is too formulaic, too slow, too polite. I am more inclined to dance the Flamenco. Alone. Powerfully alone. My body shaking – thighs, belly, breasts – from the righteous stomping of feet. The passion unhindered. The anger given a place for release. Hands and fingers flying and teasing the sky, spiraling in the air, calling out for a witness, for all that I desire to come to me. Sweat pouring down the brow because I just refuse to stop – I can’t. I won’t. I love the feeling too much. The power that is accessed. The body that moves to a beat that has always been inside of me – effortlessly. The grace that becomes me. Completely connected, wild, and in a perfect moment of expression.

That is what existence is – what each person is – an expression of some passion, emotion, love, that is continuing its cycle with great momentum. I recently heard someone quote a Buddhist monk as saying ‘We exist because we want to’. It is a good thing to want. Desire IS the engine of creation. I desire. I will not stop desiring. I will not resent my desires. I will not stop until they have all been created and made real to me. I will keep dancing until I have gathered them all to me, around me, in me. I am moving with grace. I am meant to be the vanguard of my own truth.