I being so near

she leapt
October 12, 2017
fat girl does yoga, and other crazy shit
March 23, 2018

The storm has passed
through me.
I being
so near the ocean
am subject to feeling
abysmal
the heavy body
of dark water
memories of
the whole
bewildered Earth
sunken in

I being
so near the river
am subject to
torrents
disturbing
the comfortable shores
of my diseases
turbidity of thought
carried away
no capacity
no resistance.

I being
so near the forest
am subject to
darkness and inquest
secret burials and
dislocated bones
the shadowy clues
of what happened
(I don’t remember…)

I being
so near the edge
of myself
am subject to
vertigo and
retraction
angry outbursts
haphazardly aimed
at nearby targets
because ‘help me’
is too difficult.

Quiet now.
Quiet.

It is pain
that sits
at my table.
It is pain.

I have pulled up
a chair.

I being
so near the
Truth of it
am subject to
paying attention.

Are you softer now?